Weathering the Weather

The sun disappears for most of the winter here. You just have to keep right on living, knowing that it's still there, that it's waiting for the moment when you really can't take the gray for one more day, that it will show up when you need it the most. This is the way it is. Periods of gray can can be brutal. Broken relationships, crappy jobs, loss, injuries, heartache. You just have to keep going. Pretend like the sun is out, and do whatever it is you normally do. Embrace your support. Family, friends, hugs, and little daily joys will be your mud boots, down vest and rain coat. Just keep walking, running, working, riding, hiking, trying. Pretend you enjoy it until you actually DO enjoy it. The sun is still there, and it will show up. The perfect job, a new friend, a vacation, a boyfriend (or girlfriend) that brings you flowers and tea in the morning. When the rays finally do hit your face you have GOT to take the time to sit and enjoy. Bask in the way it makes you forget it ever left, take a deep breath and enjoy the warmth. It's so much better after the rain, it's always worth the wait.

Where IS Heidi?

Where have I been? I have been happy. I have been learning how to ask and how to listen. I have been trusting my instincts and being pleasantly surprised by the outcome. I have been taking it slow and growing at a rapid pace. I have been laughing and breathing and drinking lots of water. I have been loving and loved. I have also just eaten an entire box of triple ginger snaps. Happy 2012 everyone! May this year bring you knowledge, growth, health, love, and delicious cookies.

Love to Run, Run to Love

I quit trail running a couple of years ago. I'm sure I had some sort of "logical" reason at the time... shin splints... poison oak... inconvenience... but the truth is, it was hard. It was just hard. Today I woke up and decided that it wasn't hard, and I believe I just went on the best run of my life. It was steep, I was fast (faster than when I used to run this particular trail every day), and I was smiling the whole way. Did I mention I have been drinking a ton and not sleeping this whole wonderful wedding weekend? Oh, and that the snot pouring out of my nose on this run probably indicates that I'm sick? I decided that I am not sick, I have tons of energy, and that I love to run.

There's a tingly feeling I get sometimes when I am doing yoga. It's a lovely mixture of exhaustion and exhilaration and I savor it every time it takes me over. Today I realized I get the same feeling when I run but I have been associating it only with the exhaustion and have been leaving out the exhilaration, because running is supposed to be hard. I let the exhilaration in and it payed off in a big way. Where else have I, you, we been leaving out the exhilaration? Embrace the joy when life has you breathing heavy, cramping up, dripping snot, because that's what we're here to do. I love to run, running is easy, and running is returning the favor by teaching me how to love this life that is supposed to be hard, but can actually be easy if you let yourself feel the joy.

You're Doin' Great!

Today I feel weird, not weird as in the-full-moon-is-making-everyone-crazy (that was yesterday) and not weird as in I'm-going-to-do-something-extreme-like-the-master-cleanse, more weird as in I'm-going-to-write-my-first-blog-in-months, or weird as in I'm-confused-as-to-why-I-don't-feel-mind-blowingly-awesome. And I guess that's what it comes down to... I don't feel great but I don't feel bad. Maybe that's the point. To remain in a blissful state so that your "down" days are still better than bad. This summer has been supremely satisfying and here is some evidence;

Hearts of Gold

i can't remember the last time i received as many compliments as i did last night and from so many amazing humans. i also can't think of a better compliment than "you are a giant ball of awesomeness."

thank you thank you my friends, old and new
balls of awesomeness, all of you.

One thing at a time

I believe I have discovered another after-effect of extended travel. I am only capable of accomplishing one thing per day. Maybe that's not the right way to put it. What I mean is I feel accomplished after doing one thing in a day. Today I called my credit card company and got them to reverse a $20 late fee. The best part is that I was able to do this through their automated system. Never mind that I also wanted to speak to a representative to address the fact that I never received the actual card in the mail and could therefor not set up an automated online payment. I will save that problem for another day! Tomorrow maybe. As soon as I got that confirmation number I was ready for ice cream and beer. I also need to do some laundry so it looks like I will be tied up for a few days as one load counts as a thing to accomplish. This system works great as long as I don't set my goals too high. If I put "Learn Spanish" on my to-do list, I will be enormously disappointed in myself. "Learn Dictionary.com's word of the day" is more reasonable.

Irenic: (adjective) promoting peace.

Done.

Angkor Hot

It is hot. Really hot. Idiotically hot. Hotter than you can imagine. Go on, imagine it... it is hotter than that. I have expelled at least 3 liters of sweat. This is Scientific Fact. I have consumed 3 liters of water and haven't peed once, not once, not since 7am. It is now 5:30pm. The aforementioned sunburn is blistering as water tries desperately to escape through reluctant skin. At the first temple, Bataey Kdei, I purchased a small traditional Khmer scarf for $1, the purpose of which is to mop up the salty sea bursting forth from my pores. It has never before occurred to me to put on a scarf when I am hot. This kind of heat defies logic. The scarf is alternately used to soak up the beads of perspiration accumulating on my face every 2 seconds, to shield the sun from my face and neck, and as a miniature swamp cooler. Riding my bike creates an artificial breeze and the dampness of the drenched scarf feels good against my skin. My camera is so hot and damp it has trouble focusing, like me. The sun beats coherent thought out of my brain and only a string of profanities remains. The puddle at my back will not dry. It will still be wet later when I toss it into the sink for laundering and I marvel at the great rings of salt marking the sea's outer limits. It was all worth it. The temples of Angkor are indescribable. I'm not even going to try. The pictures will not do it justice. You're going to have to go experience it for yourself.