Break Up LA

Yes, Los Angeles, I broke up with you. You were really really cold to me, you demanded too much of my money, you left me with no place to live, and so I decided to leave you. But lately—as is to be expected—all I've seen is your good side. Good friends, good food, good times. We've had a great couple of weeks together. You've really started to warm up and remind me why I loved you. Mostly, it's these beautiful people you contain. I'm really going to miss them. A lot. A LOT. Los Angeles, just keep trying to convince me that a "break" is all we need, and that you're much better than Portland or San Francisco... it's working.

Hot Toddy

inventory:
1 bone child
1 bone chomper
2 guinea pigs
2 awkward santas
3 vegetarian shepherds pies
6 friends
8 tiny bites of candy cane
20 tiny bites from marlon
40 tiny hot toddys

The Oregon Trail

Things I hope to learn in Oregon:

What the hell I'm doing in Oregon
How to tile a bathroom
How to install a hardwood floor
What it's like to care for an entire house
How to grow a plant without killing it
The true meaning of the term "beer-o"
Where to get the best rain coat
How to cook like my parents
That friends stay friends despite location

Stop Thief!

Dear Diary,
Tonight JR let me win 3 games of slamwich in a row. I thought that was real nice of him. Goodnight!

I Heart Marlon

Jess sent me this today. Love is...

A Good Laugh, In All Seriousness

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die